Monday, December 5, 2011

This just in: "Is Ashton Already Over His Marriage?"

This headline appeared on my e-mail news thread. I didn’t continue to read or look further to help the nation with yet another great quandary because,  A.)  I don’t care,  and B.)  Already? Really?  Maybe the nation was just recently informed of this great and tragic marital breakdown, but generally speaking marriages don’t typically end suddenly and surprisingly, and the news threaded on the morning news, the web-based and print magazines have been keeping us all abreast of the demise of this marriage made in Technicolor, Photo-shopped, tweaked and twittered Fantasyland.

So without reading any further, I wonder what Ashton has been up to in order to garner such headlines.  Out to dinner?  More nude hot-tubbing with girls half his age, maybe even, say it ain’t so, girls his own age?  How could he!  Why wouldn’t he?  Young, hot, handsome, charmingly goofy.   I’ll take a side of that.   Is there a time limit or expected mourning period that needs to be observed?  What is it, I wonder?  What should it be measured by?  Who should determine this?  I don’t know anyone that has gone into a divorce gleefully and delightedly.  I have come out of one divorce with a spring in my step, following an extremely long period of wondering why or how and what if.  I am twenty years later, currently working through another divorce and I am happy to report I am finally and excitingly enjoying a few attractive diversions.  For those measuring, questioning, and tsk-tsking, it took a while to get here.  Quite simply, it feels good to feel good, and boy howdy I spent much too long in feeling anything but.  Can’t speak for Mr. Kutcher or the Mrs., but I imagine they didn’t just come to this.

Marriages usually end over time and by degrees. They often end in spite of one or both members continued struggles and attempts to imagine there might be some fleeting ember aglow to keep it going.   Or maybe there are children they must protect or prevent from suffering any longer or harder.  However, when a marriage ends it usually doesn’t take very long to realize that heavy load of sadness and despair that you have been carrying around did nothing to enhance your personality or well-being, nor did the relationship for a good chunk of time. 

With some time and distance, I have started to question how much I wanted my marriage to work over the past several years versus how much I didn’t want my marriage to end.  Marriage is seen as some sort of prize and victory and the alternative is having to have failed.    And quite honestly, we just aren’t geared toward failure, even the worst of us.  Even those of us that seem to attract it and tarry in it, are not particularly aware that we have created it or caused it. Knowing that we are failing leads many of us to try not to.  We want to win, don't we?  The problem is marriage does not equate to win or lose and placing these constraints on it just seems to make it a wee bit harder to manage.  If it was considered to be a working partnership that was up for contract renewal with longevity bonuses in addition to wild thrill seeking fun and long spells of quiet companionship we might consider it a bit more carefully and maybe a bit less stressfully.  Maybe not.  I can't really talk to it.  I am currently into the thrill seeking fun and quiet companionship with short term lease option.

Ending a marriage that is not working is much more of a success than remaining in a failed one.  I’d wish Ashton well, and Demi too if I cared a great deal about every detail of their marriage or their divorce, but I just can’t,  I have nothing left to give, what with Kris and Kim, and I barely got over Tiger and Elin.  Brad and Jen…

No comments: