Sometimes life just comes down on you. Slams you but good. Sometimes it comes even harder, just to
remind you, who’s in charge. It’s hard
to get out from under all this “life”.
Sometimes.
Sadly, there seem to be some of us living vast portions of our
lives with dark clouds hovering, right to left, back and forth, just above
us. Blocking the sun from shining even
dimly on what may appear as meager blessings, the dark clouds, hover. While others still, seem to beckon the clouds,
adding to the hard times, crafting turmoil as they project their own demise and
downfall. Some like to inflict their
pain and spread grief believing somehow, they have some great authority over
others. I believe, with the right disposition and
the proper attire, we can all weather just about any storm.
Sometimes this life just comes down hard, a torrential
downpour of dismay. It might be helpful
to remember to carry your umbrella, or become aware of the slight subtleties of
cloud formations and transformations, or the screeching turmoil being hurled
your way and quickly take cover. The
clouds will pass, eventually, sooner if so desired.
Life comes and keeps coming whether we are ready or not,
willing or willful. I happen to love this life, hard times and all. All right, I don’t love the hard times but I have certainly gained some big and
meaningful insight from some of my hardest times. I have learned to walk away in spite of waiting
out a few stormy skies or years, or decades.
In doing so, my days have become fuller and brighter. My spirit has grown lighter. I have discovered that I have this dreadful
capacity to talk myself into believing in the most unbelievable and tolerating
the most intolerable. My awareness of
this capacity has taught me that honesty must be self-directed even more so
than upholding an expectation of those around me. In being more honest with myself I have been
able to break free of a controlling and abusive past and I have been able to
live my life more aligned and in keeping with a value system that celebrates life,
and compassion and integrity. I have
been able to sift through some dark and seemingly debilitating moments, and I
have come out stronger, if not a bit wind swept.
I know life is going to come down on me at times. Occasionally, I get knocked down by it, but
it keeps coming regardless and I can choose to lie down and let it sweep over
me, or I can find my ground and stand up to it. Of course this isn’t always easy to do and I
have had more than a few bruised and battered run-ins with this life. I was blessed, or cursed with resilience and resolve. I had for
some time allowed the dark and gloomy clouds of others to conceal my blessings,
and I have also allowed myself to accept with some sense of resolve that I
could endure the gloom. I could not. And
happily, I have resolved that I will not again endure the self-made gloom of
another.
I was taught explicitly that life was hard. I can summon up the pearls of wisdom that
became a mantra in my childhood home.
“No one ever said life was fair, Ginger, or easy” was frequently snickered by a mother
slammed down with the lives of four wiry kids and just barely enough resources to
feed and clothe them, leaving less for replenishment or reflection. I must have been reporting and reacting to unfairness
at regular intervals, the mantra was repeated in kind. The message was received but I kept it at
arms length. Or so I thought. Bit by bit, I became convinced that life was
hard and I just had to somehow endure the hard times. I had not only allowed it to move in closer, I embraced
it, and then I had worn it like the tattered cloak of a martyr. Not exactly a passive approach, but my grievances
became ineffectual and habitual. Like
cloud cover that intonates a brewing storm but barely produces drizzle, gray and gloomy just the same. Sometimes like a thunderstorm so sudden and
threatening but barely wetting the ground, again not making much impact.
I decided to transform some of my beliefs and thoughts
regarding life and it’s weather patterns.
I have learned to dress accordingly for the weather and I have learned
when to secure the storm windows and batten down the hatches. I have always loved thunderstorms and
dramatic weather. I can recall the
thrill and excitement of a few passing hurricanes off the coast of Long Island,
safe within my parents watch. I have
also learned that loving thunderstorms does not need to be a metaphor for my
relationships. I can appreciate a storm from a bright and sunny vantage
point. This is the only way to see the
rainbows and sunbeams that shine upon my blessings.
I have also learned a little more about cloud formations and
there may be a metaphor that applies after all.
Clouds change. Often. They are transformative. Such as life, a cloud can undergo complete
internal transformations, changing from one genus into another. When this occurs, it’s name changes to the
name of the appropriate genus followed by the name of the mother-cloud genus
and the addition of mutatus. Allow me to attempt to describe my transforming
disposition, metaphorically speaking:
I think I had allowed myself to become
a Nimbostratus NimboStratoCongestusmutatus a dark cloud, drizzling with a pile up of dread, more or less low
to the ground. I then moved into Cirrus
CirroFractusmutatus. Detached, fractured, moving toward white and
fibrous with a silky sheen and killer smile.
I am currently experiencing AltoVertebratusRadiatusPerlucidusgenitus. I
have stopped the internal transformation and am staking my claim on the high
road, above it all, with a backbone, rays of light and hope, and a protective
covering that allows the sun and the moon and blue skies to be seen. From here on out? Blue skies, nothing but blues skies from now
on……
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